The Phone Call!

Jingle, Jangle!

The phone's ringing. Usually it's your mom calling to remind you to put the dishes in the dishwasher, but for once it's not. It's THE CALL. The call you've been waiting for, the call you've been springing up from the coach like a rabbit on steroids every time your phone rings. It's the call from that job. Not a job but THE job.

THE Call of Desire 

For every job hunt, there's always one application that you fill out, hoping, because for some reason it's just better. Better pay, better location, better uniform, but somehow better. It's the one you  pray to whatever god(s) you want that the boss see's something in your application or at least sees your application. Maybe, just maybe, your application won't end up on the floor being used as a doormat or stuffed in a drawer next to the paperclips. And when it lands in the hands of that boss with a phone in hand, it just might be your lucky night. But after a good interview your only hope is to get the call.

The Pace Maker

You can pace around the house, your apartment, your mothers apartment, your box, as much as you like. You can keep an eye on that cell phone day and night with it obviously set on earth shatteringly loud just in case you get into a freak accident involving saving a turtle from being smashed on the road but this heroic act   causes hearing damage that would have made it impossible for you to answer your phone but thankfully you have it set to earth shattering frequency so that phone call was received.  But in the end, it won't ring until it rings.

"Hello" (Please don't say anything stupid!)

Hello, can be a terrifying word. Running around crazy, like a chicken with it's head cut off when your phone rings is somehow suppose to result in a calming "Hellooo". Whether it does or not is another story but that first conversation with your new boss is terrifying.

In the span of one sentence a employer can simply say
 "We really liked what you brought to the interview and we would really like to hire you."

 But it that one sentence the other line is thinking.
 "Oh my god.I'm so nervous. I can't understand what he's saying. Does he have an accent? Maybe, I missed something important. Oh my god, I'm so nervous. Where is that damn pen and paper I had sitting right next to the phone for when this situation happened? I'm still nervous. Why am I still sitting in my pajamas it's almost noon. That's stupid it doesn't matter he can't see me. I'm still so nervous I can't think straight. OH MY GOD! He just offered me a job!"



How can phones have so many apps, so many features but when it comes down to that call, it doesn't matter if your sitting on a stool by your grandma's phone on the kitchen wall with the cord strung around your hand or on an iPhone in coffee shop, there's no way to take out those nerves. 

What would Batman do? A moment freaking out about finishing college.

Three signs you're freaking out about life after college.

1. Any plans that are more than 12 months in advanced don't exist

2. In your head GRE stands for Great Road Exits.

3. Facebook has become a possible interrogation center. Friends and family must be monitored. Questions? There are no questions at least nothing in the future that doesn't involve drinks, shopping, or ice cream. 

Having it all figured out, it's what we all want. What we all pretend to have but really, who does? Those  graduation gowns, they terrify me... more than going shoe shopping at Walmart, or running a marathon in a bad fitting sports bra.  That black graduation gown it's like a black hole, who knows what's going to happen on the other side?

Grad School? A Job? An Apartment?

Or living with my parents for an indefinite time while working at Pizza Hut?

That's a huge range of options. And it's terrifying. What happens if one tiny thing messes everything up? What then? Say your transcripts are sent late and the grad school you wanted didn't get them in time? Then what?

The year before graduation is a waiting year. It's a year of prep. Preparing. For what? For the rest of your life or at least it feels like that.

When there's time to think about it. A year worth of time.  Maybe it's too much? Maybe all that prep time is just freak out time? I personally, don't need a year dedicated to freaking out. It seems so easy, so clear cut, for someone who's not going through it. But it's not. I wish it was. It's kind of like if Batman had to pick out a new batman suit and had a whole year to do it. Who will he be? Will he change it to red and gold or maybe not change it at all? What suit will he put on? And how many times will he be looking in the closet freaking out over which suit represents him?

I wish I was Batman. Maybe picking out a suit would be easier than picking out a life after graduation?

$10 Dining or Dishwasher Refining?

There are two kinds of people that walk into restaurants those with three different ways to pay and those with only $10 in their pockets. The majority of the time I'm chilling with those in option number two. Whether going out to lunch with a few friends or having drinks to celebrate a birthday it involves money. Your thinking duh of course it involves money, but it involves friends and your friendship with them as well.  You can't let them down but you can't let your pocket book down either.

And so here I am with $10 in my pocket walking into a sit down restaurant. First I'm thinking, man is this stupid of me they don't serve cheese casadia's with a free appetizer of chips and salsa here! What am I thinking?

 I'm thinking. This place is fun, nice and I want to go out with friends, treat myself, you know? I work hard, I try hard, is it really so much to want to go out to lunch with a friend?

Sadly no matter what pep talk I have with me and my besties (me, myself, and I) I will still only have $10 when it comes down to it. And so I decided I can have it all or at least I can try with my 4 simple steps for savory, satisfaction.

1. Plan ahead If you can plan ahead. (I know it's practically impossible to plan ahead for these things but if you can, good job, your doing better than me.) Go online. See if you can find coupons for the restaurant, www.retailmenot.com is a great place to start. If your not embarrassed about being kind of "momish" you can always bring a coupon book with you in your purse or the car. If you get lucky there also might be a menu outside of the restaurant. That comes in handy if you have never been to the restaurant before and don't know how much everything cost. That way you don't have to fake talking to your mother on the phone about your cat that just got hit by a car and frantically run out of the restaurant before the waiter comes to take your order.   
2. Get acquainted with the menu So now that you are committed to going to this restaurant. You need to know that menu like the cop that arrested Al Capone, inside, outside, everything from the laces on his shoes, to the taxes he never paid. That means you need to read everything. You have to know everything that is included in the meal. Are the fries separate? Is substituting a fruit cup instead of fries going to add another 99 cents onto your tab? Is water free or bottled?
3. Order with Wiggle Room Don't order a $10 hamburger when you only have $10 dollars. There are always other factors. Remember you need to tip the server and really, come on, don't skimp on the tip. They are making under minimum wage don't be a....yeah you know what. Also tax it's always a "Oh yeah I forgot about that," moment. Well you have had over 20 years to get used to the fact that we have taxes that magically appear like Dumbledore's phoenix. So expect the unexpected people and save some money to pay food taxes. Also beverages are usually not priced on the menu but most Coke and Pepsi products are between $1.50 and $2.75 so leave some room for a drink or just get a water if you don't want to chance it. In other words step 3 means don't be stupid and leave room for the wiggles (Not the Disney T.V show.)
4. Laugh and have Fun! Stop sweating over it. You already ordered and no one likes eating with sweaty people at the table so enjoy because you just might be washing dishes in the back later. Just kidding! Good Luck and may the dollars be with you!

Entry level jobs = nonexistent

Rainy Day... Desserts?

Rainy Days. I sleep enough as it is. You could call it my beauty sleep but that would be pretty generous, really, it's lazy sleep but there is something about rainy days that justifies sleeping around all day. Not like "sleeping around" although no one would complain about that either. We'll besides those people, but I highly doubt they are reading my blog so... Anyway I just don't understand it. On a sunny day I actually feel bad about watching a movie or two or more (I don't have a job or anything give me a break) but on a rainy day... We'll maybe this would be better explained in an epic, short, skit.

 

The Rainy Day Skit

ME: (Talking to myself... it's really not that uncommon. People talk to themselves all the time. For example, when they pick out yogurt. Which flavor do I want cherry, orange cream or strawberry shortcake? Just FYI Yoplait Yogurt! Strawberry shortcake yogurt doesn't actually taste like strawberry shortcake! So no thank you Yoplait I don't want to do a swapportunit!. Sorry I just needed to get that off my chest back to the skit  ) Good Morning World! With a sexy yawn (pff who looks sexy in the morning! Really.) It's such a beautiful day. My siblings are awake, the vacuum is running, my dog wants to go outside, and all my clothes are in the wash! I just feel so alive! (Pulling back the curtain.)

ME:Oh!
But it's raining. We'll I...I I guess. I'll have to watch T.V and bake cholesterol filled desserts for the entire day. I can't go to my zumba class in the rain! I just might melt! I'm no witch but sometimes more of mmmhhhh. But that just might be close enough!

(Walking down stairs for breakfast.)

Dad: We'll we can't cut the grass. It's raining
Mom:  Jess would you like to help me make chocolate eclairs?
Brothers: Where are they? That was a stupid question. They are probably playing video games. It is raining out.

And so movies are watched, desserts are made and my dog takes a nap. And if the sun was out none of that really would be happening. Raining days are mother natures version of a siesta and a shower for the homeless all in one.

The Interview

Interviewing for a job is like playing dress up on Halloween. The ultimate question is which costume will get you more candy? Which outfit looks more fit in ready? Is it the pinstriped pencil skirt or the black pants? Should you go for a businessy, white, button down blouse or have a sexy V- neck? Would they pay you more if you wore glasses or contacts? Should your jewelry say I have an edgy side or I come from a family with old money? Should you go for seductress, red, lips or a beachy, carefree, shine? Every tiny aspect of your outfit is under high scrutiny. And the sad thing is I just don't know. Does it matter?

A good interview is never a biography of your life, it's never the REAL YOU, that is making an appearance, instead it's like a bag of Gardettos (Those delicious chip thingys!) it's a combo, a mix between what they want to hear, what you have done and what you have to offer. The whole goal is to build a valuable relationship as fast as possible. You have to be the tasty, salty, little, brown chips in the Gardetto bag. You have to be so valuable that eventually you get your own bag and thus the job. But to get there you have to weed through, the prezals, what they want, the curly cruchy things, what they need at that exact moment, and the little cruchy things that look like bread loaves, how you can connect to them. Until they find that those brown, little, salty, chips, what you have to offer is so good that they can't say no.

But pretending you are a part of a bag of Gardetto chips doesn't help every job hunter out and so I have some other advise that might help instead. No one goes into an interview and answers the questions exactly the same as the interview before. Why? Well first of all, we are not robots and therefore remembering exactly what we said isn't the easiest for most people in stressful situations. But more important we don't want to say the exact same things. Every question we want to answer differently because we want the twist, not the lemon or lime twist, but the twist on our story. We bend every answer in an attempt to try to fit the mold of the company or the job. Sometimes we don't even know we do it. But just wanting the job makes our answers just a bit less truthful and a little bit more hopeful.

Doubtful? We'll for example
 If your interviewing for a job as a bartender at a biker bar you wouldn't wear a suit and tie and talk about your degree in English Literature.

Or if you wanted the office assistant job in a law firm, your not going to wear a strapless shirt to show off the tree frog you have tattooed on your shoulder and mention your favorite old job as a lifeguard.

If you interviewed for a job working in a library, your not going to put in your contacts and glue on giant fake  eyelashes or use your sorority girlfriends as your only references.

If you wanted a job in lawn care your not going to talk about being the president of the honors society and constantly bring up your degree in physics.

Sometimes it feels so trivial but it's true first impressions matter. But do they matter enough for an employer to by pass your resume or credentials and hire you on the spot, just because of the way you look or act?

Road Trip

Road trips in college are a usually spontaneous thing. Cars are packed full of friends and random clothing, music blasting out the open windows and someone spilling the gory details about their date with Frankenstein the night before.

Road trips with parents are more like living in the movie a Griswold Family Vacation.Stressful, frustrating  and you never know what's going to happen. But at the same time they are so perfectly organized that you have no idea why every step must be planed out. It's like meetings in the show The Office. It sounds like a good idea so planed and organized but then Andy rolls in a cheese cart with Michael hiding underneath  the Gouda and all hell breaks loose.

The Prep 

College: In college there really is no prep. Road trips are planed in a week and sometimes it's not even a for sure until the night before. Suitcases are packed anywhere from the night before to five minutes before you leave.

At Home: With mom and dad road trips are planed usually over a month in advance. Bags must be packed at the latest a night before. The gas tank must be filled, the ATM must be visited  everyone must go to the bathroom before leaving, notes will be written to the dog sitter or anyone that is not coming with and multiple times the question of,  "do you have everything?" will be asked.

Getting There

College: In college usually hunting down the friend with the GPS is the best way to go about your road trip. Especially, the ones with the fun accents! The man with the British accent is my favorite. Requiring that someone has a smart phone with good service is also a good idea in case you get stuck in a rut but now a days most people have smart phones so that's easy to find. And then you are off!

At Home: When we go on family road trips we have enough maps that we could lead an army into battle, in unknown territory, without WiFi or cellphone signals, or even knowing where the local McDonalds is. We have maps from map quest labeled, highlighted, and stapled (which actually comes in handy sometimes and is very organized) an atlas, (I think just in case we decide to go find the lost city of Atlantis.) And a GPS system, that requires undisturbed attention, meaning no radio, no books on tape, (sorry mom Janet Evanovich is going to have to wait)  and no cellphone calls unless it's in regard to our destination. (But really I don't want them listening to my phone calls anyway so this isn't a big problem.)

Food

College: If it's a long road trip we will grab whatever is in the cupboard and literally throw it in the back seat along with anything that isn't an alcoholic beverage that has a cap. And then we will drive until someone says "I'm kinda hungry. Is anyone else hungry?" 99% of the time someone else is hungry to and so we stop at the nearest fast food restaurant, which most times is found under the restaurant finder in the GPS.  

At Home: I have no idea how my mom does it but she always has food. She always has a mini cooler full of waters and sodas. And then there's at least one gallon Ziploc bag full of sandwich bags filled with cereal or crackers, or fruit, or lolly pops (because chocolate melts in the car). Then there are usually boxes of granola bars or Twizzlers (because they don't melt either) or something. Meals are always at a certain time. So no one ever has to ask, between 11:30am and 12:30pm for lunch and 5:00 to 6:00 for dinner. 

Road trips are different. That's a good word for it. Different. In the end both ways get you there. With the parents you could probably survive an apocalypse and with college ways your setting yourself up for more of a PG-13 Hangover experience without the tiger. Drive on!